Keeping up appearances
I have a lot of pet hates this day and age. Not too many to make me sound crabby, but enough to save up when I'm 80 and all i enjoy doing is sitting in an arm chair commenting about the world around me with a blanket on my legs.
However, my no.1 pet hate has to be, the issues of weight.
Now, being overweight is scorned these days due to illnesses etc. and yet being as skinny as me ain't so dandy either. These days, everytime someone says 'why don't you eat more?' I either look at them with that evil glint in my eye, or reply with 'because I hate food' (which is a lie but probably what they expect to hear). If they react with shock and say 'really??' I reply, 'no but I'm fed up of that god damn question.'
It's not my fault I'm skinny. I don't visit the loo the throw up, eat less than I should, I don't take things to make myself this way.
I just happen to have a fast metabolism and be a very active person. I would much rather walk the 30 mins home from the broadway station then wait 15 mins for the bus which I can out walk due to traffic.
And yet, I feel guilty when I'm watched with envy, and feel I shouldnt be the way I am for the sake of others.
My childhood consisted of games of trying to make me gain weight. At first they were funny, but then it pissed me off because I began to realise it could have been seen as a slight (unintentional) slur on the way my mother fed me. Although I admit I was a pain in the arse to feed as I thought it was a waste of time when I could be doing something much more interesting. Now, however, I appreciate my mother's food much more as I've matured!
It annoys me that I can't join girly conversations because guaranteed it's going to turn to the topic of clothing and someone will say 'and then I realised I was no longer a size 12. you know what its like seeing that style you like you just can't work', and naturally I then get quick 'looks' from the group engaged in a conversation I really can't join. And god forbid if I make a jokey reference to myself dieting.
So trust me....if you say I'm lucky because I'm this size, the truth is I don't feel it. Try being envied/hated for the body you can't help having. It's not fun. I can't even wear certain outfits on certain occasions as I want to avoid the looks of 'god does she eat??' from others.
The answer is YES I DO! Unfortunately, I don't have a large appetite so I don't eat much, and it's a pain in the arse because I'm constantly hungry, yet get full up too soon. And the reason I will always leave that little bit of food on the plate is because I feel if I eat that one last piece, I'll become full and bloated, preventing me from partaking in the activity planned for the day without feeling like I'm carrying a weight around inside me and feeling sluggish....not because I'm trying to control my figure. For example, Tom and I went to dinner. I ate most of the pasta on my plate until I physically couldn't any more as I could feel the waitresses looking at me. Then for the first hour of the film we went to see, all I could think of was 'dear god I am full!!' I felt like I could barely move, and I hated it because I couldn't concentrate on the film.
I've tried milkshakes, and I've tried eating high calorie, high fat foods (I'm not the biggest fan of cream cakes and such) but it never makes a difference.
I don't mind people commenting on my weight. That I don't mind at all. What bugs me is when people make comments making it sound like I haven't tried to gain weight, or it's my fault I'm 'too skinny'.
If I went up to someone and said 'god your huge...have you tried eating less?' I would be seen as a social insect and frowned upon.
I don't tell people to loose weight....what gives them the right to tell me I'm too skinny and to gain weight?
I'm sorry if this sounds crabby and naggy, but I've lived with this issue for most my life now....I feel I have a right to talk out about it
posted by Frankie @ Monday, January 30, 2006
7 Comments:
For what I can see in your photo you don't look so skinny. So what is this all about?
I like this piece very much, it's very well written and clearly explained.
Envy is a very negative feeling, and most people cannot avoid showing it. Fat is an issue of the las 20 or 30 years. Believe me, before that, except perhaps in the US, the problem was how to get enough food to survive. Being fat is not an illness, it is the result of eating too much. People's genes could not have mutated in such a short period of time. But perceptions can, and they have changed so much that someone who is not covered in excessive layers of fatty tissue is seen as extraordinary. It wouldn't have happened if you had been born when I was. And if you ask your grandmother, she'd tell you that the norm was to look more like you than the average young woman of today (size 14 at 20!)So don't worry anymore and one of these days dare to ask the question: "Why are you so overweight? Can't you eat less?".
Lets just say you now live with someone who likes good food and enjoys making lots of it.
You don't eat too little.
Gladiator: It's an issue I've been faced with pretty much all my life and although the photo doesn't show it, I'm quite small.
I once had a school 'friend' as me if I was anorexic. I was very close to knocking her teeth out as she'd only asked that question due to my appearance.
I've had countless people make comments about my weight. Some offensive, others just wanting to help, not knowing they had as much right to as I did to go up to a large friend and point out their weight problem.
I have a very small appetite too (I eat food because I have to...otherwise I'd spent time doing other things) so that gets people talking and really bugs me.
I've just decided to rant about it because I've reached a stage where I've realised I've the right to look the way I do without people commenting, or feeling guilty about it.
I have the same issue. I can't put on weight, I got so happy because instead of being 70KG (or on really bad days, as low as 68) I was a hefty 71KG. I celebrated by eating half a mudcake. Later that day I cooked a club sandwich which is a big fucking meal, and ate a big bar of cadbury chocolate as well, just because I'm tough like that. I went upstairs to weigh myself again thinking I would hit some kind of record, and found I'd _lost_ 1KG and had fallen back down to 70KG again...so I gave up and drank some beer.
I'm sorry, I don't know where this story is going...I guess the moral is your not alone...have you tried just eating all day, non stop? I want to try that one day. Think about it this way: when god is angry that you refused to pay your daily belief and self-scorn and is throwing white-hot balls of fire at you, you can outrun them and it will all be HIS fault cos the fucker made you "too skinny"!!
To be honest with ....if I ever hear the words 'have you tried....' I may scream.
I once ate 5 pieces of thickly sliced bread with tons of butter before bed (eating before bed is meant to influence weigh due to the body's way of dealing with it) and it did SOD all!
I've just decided to accept it now. i can't put on weight. So I just eat to stay healthy. And the next person who asks me, 'you're so tiny, why don't you eat more?' is going to 'well you're pretty big, why don't you eat less?'
Hahah good answer, one you can actually use in practice too. I doubt I'd actually be able to say the things I was thing. Like...no. No, I must restrain myself :-)
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